I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
