I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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