just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
