I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
