so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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