I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
