in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
