Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
babies were throwing up all over the place
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
