omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
