A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
