her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
