My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
