If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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