Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
