also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
