I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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