I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
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