Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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