im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Is it because I queefed?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
