I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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