i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
