All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
