I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
