I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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