The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize