I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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