It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
