look no pants
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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