I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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