$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
