She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
