I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
