so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
