Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
