whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
