I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
