Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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