One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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