Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
