Pregnant stripper...not hot.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
