I faked an abortion last night.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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