i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
