Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
