the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
