You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
false alarm. still invincible.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
