Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
