If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
