i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
