My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
