I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
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idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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