Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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