Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
