I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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