Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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