So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Text me some of your sweat
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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