Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
