I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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