I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
