I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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