my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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