You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
