Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That accounts for only three of the penises
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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