Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
