When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
