a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize