they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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